My Parents Might Be the Happiest People I Know
That rare moment when you find yourself wanting to be more like your mother
Hello, readers!
I hope everyone had a nice Thanksgiving and a bearable return to reality. This year, we decided to go easy on the cooking and heavy on relaxing. And what a difference it made! Once again, I learned the value of lowering ambitions.
This Thanksgiving, I spent a lot of time thinking about people in my life I’m grateful for and the out-of-control Black Friday sales which now last a week and destroy my inbox.
Back to the people part, I’m lucky to have so many good ones in my life, including a Russian mother who, at 70, is willing to jump on the plane and travel for 24 hours to join me and my daughter on a trip to Mexico. Which is exactly what we’ll be doing in February. While no one likes being compared to their mother, I admit I get my adventure bug and a “glass-half-full” personality from mine (together with an extraordinary ability to hoard tummy fat).
When my mom told me that she and my dad were celebrating their granddaughter’s (my daughter’s) first tooth, I sneered: “You’ll take any excuse to celebrate.”
“Sure,” she answered. “We don’t need much to be happy.”
And then it hit me: my Soviet-raised aging parents, living in a one-bedroom apartment, might be the happiest people I know. While not Scandinavian, they’re close enough and embody lots of the principles I talk about here, without trying.
Isn’t it funny how we try so hard for so long not to turn into our parents, only to eventually find ourselves trying to be more like them?
So here are a few things my parents do that keep that keep them happy.
They make things from scratch
My parents are the original hipsters. My mom could give classes in Brooklyn and she’d be rich. When hipsters were learning to make pickles, my mom was already putting her own twenty jars away for the winter. When hipsters got into berries, she was buying a second fridge to store her homemade jams. Sourdough? She makes her own. Also pizza, ice cream, cider, dumplings, pies and kombucha, too. She sews clothes, paints and makes toys for my daughter (and my dog!).
Whatever the new trend they have in Brooklyn, my mom is always one step ahead. She doesn’t call herself an artist. She doesn’t have an Etsy page (though she should), and she doesn’t do it for the Instagram fame. She does it for the pure enjoyment of making things with her hands and with her love.
My dad, an architect by day, has been spending his evenings watching YouTube videos on plumbing, just for fun. How fabulous it is to find joy in such simple things.
They celebrate everything
My parents are great celebrators. Any occasion, big or small, calls for a joyful gathering with friends or at least a modest spread of snacks and wine just for the two of them, in front of the TV. No matter what goes on in the world, my folks will always find a reason to celebrate. After many years, I understood that these rituals sum up a simple but healthy attitude: they celebrate life itself.
When my daughter was born and my parents sat down to celebrate her every monthly birthday for a year, as did I, I realized I had more in common with them than I thought. I admire their eagerness to honor every single occasion, from a big purchase to their dog’s birthday.
After all, life is short. While we can’t celebrate every moment, we should try to commemorate as many as we can.
My parents find joy in food
Along with celebrations, my parents find tremendous joy in food. My mom’s cooking is simple but comforting, and her shopping list always includes a few “treats.”
Growing up in the Soviet Union meant that groceries were harder to get and the selection was limited. As a result, we learned to love what we had (thanks to the lack of TV and internet, we didn’t know what we were missing anyway). My mom made a point of arranging things nicely on the dining table and teaching me to eat and appreciate anything that was served. We never threw away leftovers. Food was, and is, to be respected.
These days, when groceries are in abundance, my parents’ generation still remembers the food shortages of the past, and it makes them appreciate what they have now even more.
My parents are not food experts like the French, but they do find enormous satisfaction in preparing and consuming it. Without a reminder, they know that food is one of life’s simplest and best pleasures. I try to remind myself of that every time I stuff my face with a take-out burger.
They appreciate that things got better
Unlike my grandma, my parents never talk about how much better “things were in the old days.” They don’t have nostalgic memories of the Soviet Union, yet they never stopped appreciating what they’ve gained since it collapsed. It’s not about being stuck in the past. It’s about remembering that buying an iPhone, or even a Snickers bar, is a privilege that they’re lucky to have.
Growing up, whenever I asked my mom for bananas (luxury food), I always got the same answer: “We can’t afford it.”
To this day, every banana I eat makes me a little bit happier.
They put family and friends first
No matter what hurdles or joys life throws at my parents, they put their family and friends first. Without reminders, my mom is always there for everyone’s happy occasions, or with a helping hand and a shoulder to cry on. She takes pride in being up to date on everyone’s lives and it makes her happier, too.
In my parents’ social circle, everything is celebrated together and every milestone is shared. When I video-called them to say that I was pregnant, their best friends were there, sharing tears of joy with my parents. While my own friends came and went, as I moved cities and countries, my parents’ friend circle stayed the same through most of their adult lives. Even to me, it’s oddly comforting.
In these days of quick friendships and always-changing lives, I yarn for a stable social group like that of my parents. Placing more importance on people close to us, and not on material possessions, is a sure way to bring more joy into our lives.
While we’re busy chasing “happiness” and living our “interesting” lives, our parents are quietly living theirs, often with more contentment. And we have so much to learn from them.
Here’s to looking for the simple pleasures in life and holding on to them!
Oh, what a lovely piece, and about such lovely people, too! You should print this up pretty for them as a gift -- I'm sure they would adore it.