Today, I would like to share an old post of mine that, once again, seems to be relevant. As more and more people ask me about moving back to Denmark, voted the second happiest country in the world, I was reminded of this piece and wanted to revisit it to see if it still rang true. It did.
While we discuss returning to Denmark at some point, I don’t see it as a cure-all method of acquiring happiness. And here is why.
You would have to accept that you’re no better than anyone else
We Americans are all about self-expression. We’re a country of loud cars and loud talkers, big thinkers and big ideas, oversized houses and egos to match.
Denmark, on the other hand, is the opposite in every regard. With the tiny size of land and population comes a shy attitude. Danes, and Scandinavians in general, truly believe that no one person is better than another, and no one should get special attention. They believe in equality for all and that it’s okay for no one to have too much, as long as no one has too little.
Grey and black are the dominant clothes colors in Denmark (but Danes wear it oh-so-well!). Loudness and small talk are discouraged. Being polite and fitting in is of the utmost importance, and any out-of-the-box behavior will raise eyebrows.
This universal and genuine desire not to stand out probably does lead to a more peaceful mindset. But if you’re not born into this attitude, you’re not likely to change just by being exposed to it. If you dye your hair purple, drive a loud car, or like to show off your new watch (Danes do show off but in very subtle ways), you’ll stand out like a sore thumb. And there’s nothing happy about that.
Try this instead
Wanting to be different, more successful, fitter or richer than others comes at a cost. You don’t need to move to another country to realize that you’re no better than anyone else. And if you do, you’ll feel more at peace.
There’s nothing socialistic about wanting to share what you have, or at least dropping the “I’m better than others” mindset. We are, or we should be, all born equal. If you start practicing humility today, you’ll get a real glimpse into the Danish mentality without having to buy a plane ticket.
You would have to devalue material possessions
If you like “stuff” and shopping, as well as an abundance of services, like manicures, hair treatments, or even dog grooming, Denmark is not for you. Due to high taxes and high minimum wages, both products and services are very expensive and not as common there (and there’s no Amazon). Even a bus ride in Copenhagen costs five dollars. Luckily, half the people commute by bike.
Danes value relationships over material possessions, and they believe that paying higher taxes in exchange for welfare support and equality for all citizens is a worthy trade-off. For a foreigner though, this may seem like a rip-off.
I did very little shopping when I lived in Copenhagen and only had one (bad) haircut. I reused the clothes I brought with me and considered every new purchase carefully. Like Danes, I ate mostly at home because eating out was expensive, too. I accumulated very little “stuff” but it was okay by me because in return I received an overall sense of livability beyond what I was used to in the States.
Try this instead
If a thought of life without Amazon (yes, they don’t have it in Denmark) or salon manicures gives you a panic attack, you might want to practice a more minimalistic approach wherever you are. Having less, appreciating more, and doing more for yourself by yourself keeps the Danes focused on important things in life: friends, family, and simple pleasures. Anyone in America can do the same by reconsidering their relationship with capitalism.
You would have to make friendships your priority
Even though Danes’ lives revolve around dinner table conversations, they don’t make new friends easily. In fact, it’s almost impossible to break into a Danish social circle and it can take years. I was blown away when, after making a few local “friends” on my first visit to Copenhagen, I was left completely alone on a New Year’s Eve, as no one invited me to join their company (I can’t imagine being alone on a holiday in the U.S.!). Turns out expecting someone to take you under their wing in Denmark is like knocking on the door of a members-only club and asking to use their bathroom.
Small talk won’t get you anywhere in Denmark. Making friends there is all about commitment and patience, as maybe it should be. But once you’re in, you’ll be set for life. After all, Danes do put friends and family at the top of their priority list.
Try this instead
No doubt having such close social ties plays a big part when it comes to Danish happiness levels. Once they build their social circle, they stick to it. And what can be more comforting than always knowing where you belong?
Luckily, this can be achieved anywhere in the world by deepening the bonds you already have and practicing switching your attention from gaining things to gaining lasting relationships.
You would have to develop a resistant-to-cold mindset
Northern Europe is cold. Not like England cold (London has palm trees!), but more like Central Russia cold. And it’s dark and wet. It seemed like there were more rainy days than sunny ones in the year I spent in Copenhagen. Used to scorching New York summers and abundant winter sun, I was taken aback. I kept waiting for the Danish summer to start, but it never did.
You’d think Danes would be cold and miserable all the time. Not a chance. Instead, they adopted an anti-cold mindset and coined the phrase: “There’s no such thing as bad weather, only bad clothing.”
I never heard anyone, aside from me, complain about the weather in Copenhagen and it didn’t seem to get in the way of Danes doing things or biking everywhere, rain or shine. What an amazing attitude! Yet very few people outside of Denmark have it. Unless you’re one of them, living without a summer might be too much of a downer.
Try this instead
If you want to feel more like a Dane, start practicing your weather-resistance locally. Buy waterproof clothing. Take a bike ride on a rainy day. Walk to the supermarket in the snow. Take a run in the cold. Don’t use bad weather as an excuse. That’s the mindset of the happiest people in the world.
While Danish people can teach us so much about how to live a happier and more peaceful life, you don’t need to move to Denmark to learn from them.
Jump on a bike, run in the rain, walk to the supermarket, cut up your credit cards, wash your own dog, offer help instead of showing off your achievements, cook dinner for your friends, and put away the phone.
You might just become happier wherever you are.